My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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