Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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