We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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