the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
