Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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