I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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