Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
