i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
