I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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