yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
