the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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