So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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