Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
