every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
