Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize