By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
