Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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