Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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