guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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