i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
