i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
