Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
