All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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