Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
