im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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