next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
