If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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