I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
