Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
