The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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