i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
