also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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