Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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