hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
