if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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