Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My life is pants optional.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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