You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
