so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
