maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
