his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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