I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
