so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
