getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
