It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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