i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
