My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
