sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My feet surprised me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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