Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
