fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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