I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
