eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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