She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
