I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
