I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
