i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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