come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
