Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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