dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
