my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
