I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
