I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
