i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize