If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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