she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
