I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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