My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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