if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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