She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
