update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
