I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
4 words: hood of his car
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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