we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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