I have demons in me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
