If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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