his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
