i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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