Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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