so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
