nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I want is dick and wine.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
