I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize