He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
