I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
