ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
