I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
