i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
