haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
