you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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