Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
