you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
