Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
