Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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