If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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