Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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