it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
