Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
