I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
