You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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