i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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