Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
