guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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