Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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