'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
