I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
