xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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