I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
