two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
