dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Randomize
