Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
