You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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