There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
