I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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