i already hear my dad disowning me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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