Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
