No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
