More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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