i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
