I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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