from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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