Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
