The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
