i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
