Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Send help, water and tortillas.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
