So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize