I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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