I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
