as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
